Harry Grubb's English Journal

Boy(son):
-motivated to excersise
-quiet (inspired)
-opposite to what his father was lecturing about having a successful life.
-gothic long black hair
-relationship with uncle
-walked on by parents(does a lot of jobs for them)
-lives his own life

As I sit at this table surrounded by my loved ones, my family, I feel nothing but hatred inside me. No one gets who I am and I don’t blame them. There is a humming silence circling through my body 24/7. There is only one connection between all of us at this table. Awkwardness. I don’t belong here. Why am I here?

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  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Hello,

    I like the phrase ‘humming silence’ – it works really well. The ending works particularly well.

    Target:
    1) Use some complex sentence structure to help your piece flow. Constant use of simple structures can make work a little hard to read because of the pace.
    2) Try to include visual clues that help provide an insight into your character.

    Thanks,

    Mr North

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